Episode Transcript
[00:00:05] In this session we're going to go over how you can do a 21 day digital detox yourself, or even less amount of time if you prefer.
[00:00:14] I'm going to be doing a 21 day detox and I'm going to share my experience.
[00:00:18] But if you want to go ahead and do one yourself, then this is exactly how you can do it. And this is from many years of experience.
[00:00:28] I've been doing these different things on and off with varying degrees of success and failure for about 10 years.
[00:00:35] And what I'm about to share with you is the most efficient, most effective, most joyful way to do it. I recommend you get a pen and paper so we can go through this and you can just pause and answer the questions. And in a very short amount of time you will have found a way of doing this that's actually going to work for you. So it becomes fun, easy and you feel so much better.
[00:00:59] So we're going to go through what a digital detox is, why it's important for you, what are your top, middle and bottom lines, which I'll share in a minute. What are the things you're keeping, what are the things that you're removing during this time?
[00:01:17] We're going to talk about what you're going to replace the media and digital stuff with. Because if you remove something, we have to put it back.
[00:01:27] When you take away something, it creates a void. So what is going to fill the void? What are you going to do instead? What are all the fun things you can do with all this time that you are claiming back?
[00:01:39] And then we're going to talk about how you can be held accountable by somebody so that it's not just you on your own. It's very, very, very important. There's lots of ways of getting an accountability partner.
[00:01:54] And finally we're going to talk about some of the tools and blocking methods that I personally have found helpful and many millions of other people have found helpful to make this easy so that we can have pre commitments and we can set things up so that the temptation is automatically removed so you don't have to worry about it. And that's really, really important.
[00:02:19] So we're going to get into this and just go through this step by step with ease and grace.
[00:02:26] So first of all, before we do this and get into the questions, what is a digital detox? Now, there's various degrees of doing this. The most extreme end is where you actually don't have any Internet or digital stuff at all and go away, you know, on a trip Somewhere or into the forest or everything is blocked and you just don't have anything to do with any of it.
[00:02:52] Now that's actually very difficult to do and most people can't do that because of work commitments and emails and various other things.
[00:03:00] So you don't have to go anywhere near that degree. And the most kind of slack digital detox is where you might just give up one thing that, that you think is a little bit bad for you, but everything else you just carry on the way you were.
[00:03:14] So it's a spectrum from completely going offline to going offline in some areas.
[00:03:23] And so as we get into this, just realize you can do this to whatever extent that feels right for you and any amount of this is a huge success.
[00:03:34] So the first thing is why do you want to limit your Internet use or stop using certain media or stop using certain games or computer systems or whatever it is, AI, whatever it is. Why are you wanting to liberate yourself from that in the first place? What is your reason for doing it?
[00:03:57] Speaking for myself, I personally feel much happier. More. My brain is more clear, I have more energy, my dopamine is sort of reset in the sense that little things in life like looking at the sky, looking at the clouds, looking at a tree, talking to someone on the phone, you know, going for a walk, playing the piano. All the little things in life seem much more fun to me when I'm not consuming media.
[00:04:25] Whereas when I am consuming media because it's so intense and you know, you can have massive action scenes, people jumping off buildings and crazy social media, then my regular life relative to that seems fairly boring when in fact I actually have a really fun life that I actually enjoy. So for me, my reason for doing it is that I feel happier, more relaxed, more clear headed, I get better work done, I enjoy my life more, I spend more time with people and everything in my life improves significantly.
[00:05:00] So that's plenty of reasons for me. So just think about this. Why do you want to do this? What is your reason?
[00:05:07] Just take a moment to pause this and just write down whatever comes to mind. And you can always add a few more things later on if you like.
[00:05:19] Beautiful, beautiful. And it's just useful to make sure that you've written that down and really feel the power, the reason for doing this, because no doubt there will be moments where you impulsively or just habitually want to check things. And it's useful to even write this down and put it somewhere and reread it again and again to remind you of why you're doing this.
[00:05:50] The second thing is to clarify what kind of digital detox or media detox you're doing. Like what are the things you're keeping and what are the things you're removing.
[00:06:05] So like I mentioned before, the most extreme version of this is where everything is removed completely.
[00:06:12] You don't touch computers, cell phones, don't watch any television, no screens at all for a certain amount of time.
[00:06:19] I've only managed to do that for about three days because I have so many things online that require my my attention, but I would love to do it for longer.
[00:06:32] So the easiest way to to decide this is something called top, middle and bottom line.
[00:06:43] What does it mean? It means top line activities are things that are useful and beneficial for you. So for example, maybe you need to check your email like three times a day or whatever it is you might need to get back to. Text messages, WhatsApp messages, whatever messages.
[00:07:03] Certain times of the day you might need to use AI or certain programs for your work.
[00:07:11] And you also might need to study certain media, you know, educational things for something you're doing. Right. So they're all like useful things or spiritual texts.
[00:07:22] For me, my top lines are checking my email a little bit WhatsApp with moderation text messages with moderation and spiritual study, and certain inspiring books and trainings that are actually inspiring and good for me.
[00:07:40] So top lines are things that don't harm you, they're not addictive, and they're necessary for your life to keep going. Well, middle lines are things that are sort of in the middle.
[00:08:00] They could be a problem, but they're not that bad.
[00:08:06] And bottom lines are things that are definitely highly addictive and dangerous. So for example, someone has a gaming issue and there's certain games that they get addicted to. That would be a bottom line. If someone starts watching, let's say, a series on Netflix or some streaming platform and they can't stop watching it till it's finished and they know it's bad for them, binge watching, then that will be a bottom line.
[00:08:33] In some cases it could be TikTok or social media. I know people who like, have woke up in the morning and have just been looking through short videos for like 8 or 10 hours and don't even get out of bed. So that's a bottom line. Something that is highly addictive and pulls you into a negative state and you can't stop doing it.
[00:08:55] Middle line might be things like podcasts that are sort of not really necessary, but they're not really that addictive.
[00:09:03] They're kind of the gray areas.
[00:09:08] So for me it's like certain audiobooks would be middle line that I don't really need to listen to, but they're kind of interesting bottom lines for me are things like YouTube, social media.
[00:09:22] Too much AI use somehow spins me.
[00:09:28] Anything that a middle line can become a bottom line if it's overused. So for example, if I use AI for my work with moderation and have take breaks, it's a middle line. Could even be a top, top line.
[00:09:42] But if I get into a hypnotic state and I just, just trying to get this thing finished, finish, finished, and it goes round and round and round, it can become a bottom line.
[00:09:52] So just think about these things. For you, it's worth getting a piece of paper and just writing top line. What are the most important things that you definitely need to keep in your life?
[00:10:02] What are your middle lines and what are your bottom lines?
[00:10:07] Just go ahead now and pause this audio and fill that in and you can always come back to it and change it afterwards.
[00:10:15] Beautiful. Hopefully you've done this. If you haven't, go ahead and pause it and come back. Because the clearer you are on what you're doing and what you're not doing, the easier this is going to be.
[00:10:30] The next question is, what are you going to do instead of these things that you have been doing? So if you're removing social media or movies or whatever, you're getting rid of gaming or whatever it is, it's going to create avoid.
[00:10:49] There's going to be times in your day where normally you pick up the phone or you go on the computer and you do the thing and your brain and your psyche is used to that period of time where you have this kind of escape mechanism and now you're not doing that anymore. So you have this time and some part of you is going to be kind of slightly restless. What am I supposed to do now? What am I supposed to do? This is one of the most difficult things for me is that I wasn't sure what to do with myself. Especially at night when I'm not sure what else to do, or when I'm working during the day and I get a bit overwhelmed and I want to distract myself.
[00:11:39] So there are certain moments in my day where media was like the natural thing for me to do. I'm just gonna check the news, I'm just gonna watch this thing, I'm just gonna, you know, watch this video, watch YouTube.
[00:11:53] And when I stopped doing it, I would reflexively open up the tab and Go to watch the News or watch YouTube. And then I'd shut it down and think, what am I gonna do now?
[00:12:05] And so it's really worth thinking this through before you start. So you have a fun list of things to do instead.
[00:12:15] Now I have a list of about 350 things you can do instead of media, and I'll share a few things I personally like to do. One is I like to read a good book, not a fiction book, because I find that's highly addictive.
[00:12:30] But like looking at an art book. I like to play the piano. I talk to people on the phone, actually, physically. You know, either physically or on the phone, I tidy up the house, which is actually quite enjoyable. To make everything nice, I might work on a project that I wouldn't normally be doing. I sometimes do art.
[00:12:54] Dancing around the house is always fun.
[00:12:57] You know, I can go out and see people, go for a walk under the stars, go in the hot tub, go in the sauna, take a nap.
[00:13:08] Right? These are just a few things off the top of my head.
[00:13:11] I have a long, long list.
[00:13:14] And you can look at that list. It's in the description. It's a document you can download, but you can also come up with your own list. So take a moment now to think, what are the things that you'd like to do with the time that you have?
[00:13:31] And just imagine the times when you usually use media. What can you do instead? Like, maybe you can make some food, Maybe you can get up, go for a walk, play an instrument.
[00:13:41] You need to have something to fill the gap. Otherwise you'll be sitting there going, I'm craving this thing, and I don't know what to do. And that's not a nice feeling. It's not nice to be feeling cravings. And the way to avoid that is just to have something fun to do and write it down so that when you get those moments, you can look at the list and go, oh, I'll do that now. And you go ahead and do that thing.
[00:14:07] So go ahead and write this out, and then we'll come back in a moment.
[00:14:22] Beautiful. Congratulations. Hopefully you've done that.
[00:14:26] This is wonderful practice, because media and the Internet and technology can swallow up such a huge amount of our life that all these other things, we just don't do them at all or hardly at all.
[00:14:44] And so you can keep adding to this and you can come up with new ideas, and you're basically expanding out to a fascinating new way of living.
[00:14:53] And your brain will get rewired so that things that were previously boring will now seem more interesting.
[00:15:03] Now, the final part of this is to think about who can help you to do this.
[00:15:14] Now, you can try and do it on your own and maybe you're the kind of person who can just commit to something and just do it.
[00:15:23] But it's much easier, at least for most people, if you have someone who you are doing this with or a bunch of people.
[00:15:32] So when you set up accountability, everything's easier. So, for example, I'm personally doing this. I'm going to be sharing my journey with you, which you're welcome to listen to if you like.
[00:15:45] And I have someone who I'm going to check in with every day about how I'm doing.
[00:15:51] I'm also doing this podcast and these sessions so that I can post it.
[00:15:58] And I'm being held accountable because this is now public.
[00:16:04] So just sharing with you and with everyone else listening is another form of accountability.
[00:16:13] And the third thing is that I also share my chart and what I'm up to in one of my groups. I have a mastermind group and I share what I'm doing there.
[00:16:25] And I also have another accountability partner for something else I'm doing and I'll share it with that person. So I'm actually being held accountable in four different ways, actually. And then I'm going to share it with someone else. So I have five ways that I'm being held accountable to do this.
[00:16:44] And actually, no, there's a six, six person. So there are six people or different ways that I'm being held accountable.
[00:16:54] So chances of me doing this are very high because of all of those different, different factors.
[00:17:02] So before you pick a person, I just want to share exactly what this looks like. Accountability.
[00:17:08] So accountability, basically you say to somebody, whoever you're working with, and you say, all right, for the next 21 days or 14 days, or however you want to do it, I am going to do these top line things, these middle line things, but I'm not going to do any of these bottom line things.
[00:17:30] Right? So you tell them exactly what it is that you're doing and not doing, so they know what it is.
[00:17:37] And then every day you either send them a text message, WhatsApp message, or you could do a phone call, zoom call, however you want to do it, right? Connect with them in some form, email, and you can say, look, I did this and this is what happened. So you're just radically honest about what happened during the the day.
[00:18:03] Another thing you can do alongside this is to get a calendar and get gold star Stickers.
[00:18:11] And every day that you don't do your bottom lines, you get a sticker. So you start to create a streak.
[00:18:18] And you can take a photograph of your calendar with your gold stars and send them a picture and you see it as well. So you're like, oh, wow, I did it. Yay. Gold star, gold star, gold star, right?
[00:18:34] And you can connect with one person or more than one person. You can post it on social media if you want, as long as you're not using social media, you know, so it's whatever is going to work for you. Just think about it. Could be a friend, could be a family member.
[00:18:51] There are different 12 step groups for media addiction and Internet and technology addiction.
[00:18:57] And you can find someone there to be an action partner, accountability person.
[00:19:03] If you look at your phone and your contacts, I'm sure you'll find somebody who would be happy to either do it with you, which would be the ideal thing. Let's do it together. Because if you have someone and you're doing it and they're doing it, that's even better.
[00:19:16] But even if no one wants to do it except for you, you can at least share with them what you're up to.
[00:19:24] And that way instead of just being left to your own willpower, you have someone else to help you.
[00:19:37] So think about who could you do this with.
[00:19:44] Have a look at your contacts.
[00:19:51] And you can just send someone a message and just say something like, hey, I'm thinking of doing a digital detox. Can you hold me accountable? Just means I'll send you a text every day or an email. It doesn't take much time for you. Are you happy to do it? Just send it to a few people and someone's going to say yes.
[00:20:08] And if you find someone who wants to do it with you, then that's even better.
[00:20:14] All right, now then, once you've got that person, or at least you know who they are, the final thing is to preset your computer and phone up for success.
[00:20:29] This is called pre commitment.
[00:20:32] When you pre commit to something, then you can't get out of it afterwards. So for example, right now, if I open my browser on my computer, I'm sitting here right now, and I go to look at the news, it doesn't open, the website doesn't load. Now I could get around it. I could use my phone. There's all kinds of things I could do to try to get around if I really wanted to.
[00:21:00] But the most important thing is the reflexive habit of opening things and pressing play or listening to Something gets blocked in that moment, right? Because there's an expression in media addiction that there's no defense against the first click. So if you open something else up and press a button or start looking at an article, it can go down a rabbit hole and a whole bunch of time can disappear.
[00:21:32] So pre commitment is where you commit in advance what you're gonna not gonna do, and then you can't get around it very easily. So it makes your whole situation much easier. The same thing is true. Like, for example, if you want to eat lots of vegetables and not have, for example, loads of donuts, then removing the donuts out of the house and filling the fridge with vegetables is a pre commitment. Because then when you open the fridge, you're like, oh, my God, there's no doughnuts. Oh, never mind. I can eat, you know, these vegetables or this fruit.
[00:22:12] Do you understand? Pre commitment is removing the temptation and putting the thing that you want to do right in front of you. So you're making it hard to do the thing that's bad for you and easy to do the thing that's good for you.
[00:22:26] So there are many different tools. I personally have tried all of them, almost all of them, and I have found that the most effective ones, there's three things that I use for the blocking the Internet on the computer. There's an app called Cold Turkey Blocker, which I think is the most effective one out of all of them.
[00:22:49] There's another one called Focus App, another one called Freedom, and there's various other ones.
[00:22:56] But as far as I can tell, Cold Turkey is the best, the best one I've used.
[00:23:01] So if you get that and you set it up, then whatever you don't want to be checking, you can just block it. So you can't check it at all.
[00:23:09] And you can block it for a certain amount of time, or you can have a password and give it to someone else. You can check it all out. There's lots and lots of ways of setting this up. It's worth spending an hour or two setting this stuff up because it will save you hours and hours and hours and hours and also remove the temptation and the stress around, oh, should I check? Should I not check? Because we haven't really got that much willpower. And when you set these up, you don't need willpower. You can just relax and get on with your day.
[00:23:39] Now, what about the phone?
[00:23:42] For the phone, having tried many different apps, I recommend Brick. Brick is basically a piece of software that also comes with this physical square things, plastic Square thing that you decide, okay, for example, for the next.
[00:24:03] For as long as I choose, I am not going to be able to go on any of these apps. And you put your phone on this brick and it activates the app, and then none of these apps work, right? So let's say you don't want to use Instagram, Facebook, or, you know, TikTok, whatever it is, you can set it up so you can't access those things once you brick it. So you press the button and then you tap it against the brick, and all of a sudden it doesn't work. And it only works if you re tap the brick, right? So it just removes everything distracting for that amount of time.
[00:24:42] You can either put the brick, like in the garage or put it out in the garden somewhere so it's far away. Because if the brick is right next to you all the time, then you can just click the brick. The whole point is it's a physical thing, far away.
[00:24:54] If you really want to go for it, you can drive it away into the countryside somewhere and hide it under a rock in the middle of nowhere. Then you actually have to physically drive to unbrick your phone if you want to go that extreme. Or you can just put it in another room or put it somewhere out of the way. I'll give it to a friend.
[00:25:13] So that way you can always get your apps back when you need them, but it's a little bit more annoying. So then you think, oh, I want to check this thing. Oh, I can't. Oh, I don't want to have to go all the way there to unbrick it. So I'm just gonna do something else.
[00:25:33] So Hyla recommends setting up brick. You decide which apps you want to block or which Internet website you want to block, and then you're good to go.
[00:25:45] And the third thing that I highly recommend is something called a ksafe, which is basically a plastic box, see through plastic box with a lid that has a timer, a locked timer on the lid. So. So it's this little wheel, and you can spin the wheel, and starting with 1 minute, 2 minutes, 10 minutes, an hour, 2 hours, I think you can go up to 7 days is the maximum amount of time.
[00:26:14] And what I personally do is that I unplug my wifi. Now, I'm not saying you have to do this or you should do this. If there's other people in your house and they need the wifi, then you can't do it.
[00:26:27] I can do this. So unplug my WI fi and I put the Plug in this box and then I put my cell phone in the box and I block it from like 7pm to 7am or 8am or 9am or whatever I feel like.
[00:26:44] So I'm completely offline for 12, 15 hours.
[00:26:55] So once that happens, then I sleep better and it's much, much easier for me to just go to bed early and do other things.
[00:27:03] I also have a landline so that if I need to call someone or I want to call someone, or if I have an emergency, I can just, you know, pick it up and, and call people.
[00:27:14] So I'm not completely isolated.
[00:27:19] So having tried basically everything, these three things, from my experience, over 10 years are the best of the best and make it the easiest.
[00:27:32] You can scale this back to whatever degree you want.
[00:27:35] The most extreme version, of course, would be put everything in that box and lock it for days and days where you just can't do anything.
[00:27:42] By the way, the box, the case safe, you can smash it open with a hammer.
[00:27:47] I almost did it once, but it hasn't actually happened. So so far so good.
[00:27:55] So that's all you need to know. So why are you doing this? What are your top, middle and bottom lines?
[00:28:02] What are you going to do instead of media, who is going to hold you accountable and what are you going to say to them?
[00:28:10] And finally, set up your pre commitments. Whether it's Brick or cold turkey or one of these other apps, think about setting it up. It's really, really worth spending like two hours or one and a half hours getting this right because it will save you hours and hours and hours of time down the road.
[00:28:36] So there we have it. That is all you need to do a digital detox for as long as you like.
[00:28:43] That is the most important things.
[00:28:46] And I have proven that this works for myself. And having worked with loads of other people doing something similar, these are the things that actually get the job done.
[00:28:57] So go ahead and set it all up for yourself and then decide when you're going to start.
[00:29:02] And wishing you every success. Congratulations, congratulations and many, many blessings on your journey.
