Episode Transcript
[00:00:05] Ah, Today is day four, my digital detox. It's nearly 8 o' clock at night and right now, frankly I've got a headache and I feel quite spaced out.
[00:00:23] So here's what happened today. I woke up feeling fantastic. I had a powerful meditation, got up like four in the morning and had a wonderful couple hours in the morning.
[00:00:37] And then I had to turn the Internet on early because I was doing a very early live session at 8 o'. Clock. So I had to prepare for that, which was fine. I did the session which was great. I enjoyed that.
[00:00:50] And then I started using AI to do all this various technical things.
[00:00:56] And I'm even rubbing my head now because I got a headache.
[00:01:03] It's almost like I have two lives. I've got like how I feel when I'm offline, which is. I feel great and relaxed and then I get into this like sort of stressed state, which I really don't like. And that's why I want media. I want to watch some news or watch some video or something to take the stress out, you know, something funny or something.
[00:01:32] And so anyway, so after that session I was trying to finish a bunch of stuff and it all starts out fine, but I start to get more and more clouded as time goes on and I get more and more irritated.
[00:01:44] And then somewhere around 1 or 1:30 or 2 o' clock, I said, I just can't handle this anymore. And I start realizing I hate my life and I hate all this stuff. That's how I feel.
[00:01:56] And then I just said, I can't deal with this anymore. And so I went out and I had. As soon as I got out the house, I drove down the road. I started feeling much, much better. I went to this beautiful place on my drive where it's called Oak Creek Canyon in Sedona. There was huge floods recently, so it was shut down because there was big rocks in the road and you couldn't drive down. That's still not open. It's only open part way, so you can't go very far. But I went down there because it's been such a long time and it's beautiful, beautiful leaves changing. It's the golden, golden leaves, this golden red colored leaves by the creek.
[00:02:45] Absolutely magnificent. It's incredible.
[00:02:48] And I also saw the damage, you know, the huge floods. A bunch of houses, like these little houses were knocked out. You could see them like moved around and like broken windows. It was pretty crazy actually some, some of the places.
[00:03:03] So I went down there and, and then I came back and went for A walk somewhere else.
[00:03:13] And I had some meditation in the sun.
[00:03:18] I was resting against the beautiful warm red rocks that were warmed by the sun. It was just a perfect, perfect day.
[00:03:25] And I had my little journal and I wrote some notes down and had some ideas.
[00:03:30] And then I came back, went to the supermarket. I decided to do like a juice cleanse because I feel like I might as well cleanse my body if I'm cleansing my mind as well.
[00:03:39] Then I came back around 10 past 6 and I thought, well, I've been out most like a lot of the day, like four or five hours, so let me at least get some more work done. So I turned it back on again, the Internet, and I started using AI. And I again immediately get back into this thing where I'm using multiple tabs at the same time, multiple projects, jumping between things.
[00:04:08] Everything seems urgent, everything seems important.
[00:04:13] And I'm supposed to turn the Internet off at 7 o'. Clock. And I decided, oh, you know what, I don't need to today because I've been out, I need to finish this stuff.
[00:04:25] And it's so, it's still on right now. So in the background there's a bunch of AI stuff working on these different apps that I've been working on.
[00:04:33] So I've broke my own rules and I'm feeling, my brain hurts, my head hurts. I'm, I'm actually, when I look at it most, this stuff doesn't need to be done at all. It literally is a dopamine loop. Like, why am I still here with this going on in the background?
[00:04:53] Because I want to, I want to feel like I'm winning. I want to feel like something has been achieved. I want to kind of like get to the end result. Dopamine apparently is not when you get what you want, it's the anticipation of getting what you want.
[00:05:11] It's, it's coming, it's coming, it's going to be, they're here soon, that kind of thing. And working with AI, it literally is entirely, oh, it's coming, it's coming, it's coming. And I can see all these things happening and, but it hasn't arrived and, and it never seems to quite arrive. And when I see what it does, I don't like it.
[00:05:32] And I said, no, no, that's not right. Change it. And then I'm waiting, waiting, waiting. So anyway, I'm not quite sure what the solution is because it's very, very useful in some ways, but I really feel emotionally and spiritually and mentally, physically disturbed using this stuff. So I don't know what to do and I, I need to figure this out. And that's partly why I'm doing this, is that I can speak this out loud. I can be radically honest with myself, to be honest with you.
[00:06:02] And, and it really does feel like almost a sort of psychosis or Jekyll and Hyde schizophrenia sort of thing. I, I'm not clinically schizophrenic or anything like that, but it just feels like.
[00:06:24] These tools, especially AI and then media is related to this genuinely put me in an altered state where I can't think clearly and also I can't stop easily. I was talking to someone about this yesterday. She was saying that she has the same issue with work where once she gets started she just can't stop. She just goes, goes, goes, goes, goes.
[00:06:54] And this, this stuff feels the same way. It's like push, push, push, push, push. Like, why is it on for an extra hour? It's 7:52. I said I was going to turn it off at 7 o'. Clock. Why is it still on? Because I'm like, let me just see this thing get finished, get it finished.
[00:07:10] It's, it's very unpleasant so I wish I could be a bit more positive, but this is the reality of it. Also, I've been feeling like I need chips.
[00:07:20] Give me some potato chips. Because you know, when one thing is removed then something else seems more interesting. So.
[00:07:33] I'm realizing that there's only one.
[00:07:36] Really, it's more helpful to, to try and deal with one thing at a time. If I try and give up certain foods and give up this and give up that and give up all these things at the same time, it'll cause me to be very disturbed and probably will have a major backlash. So I'm quite happy just to do one thing at a time.
[00:07:57] So anyway, I would hope to be already winded down and ready to go to bed and get an early night, get up early.
[00:08:05] But instead I'm using AI and not thinking clearly.
[00:08:13] So that's the truth, that's the whole point of this. And I will give you an update tomorrow. Lots of love and thank you for being here. Hopefully you're learning something and many, many blessings.
[00:08:27] And last thing I'll mention is that it's pretty obvious to me now that I need to figure out a way to take proper breaks so that I don't get into this hypnotic trance because I can feel or I need to finish this thing. That's what it feels like. I need, I need, I need, I need to just force, force, push, push, push. That's not how I normally work. It's specifically with AI.
[00:08:55] I don't really think I ever had these problems when I was writing books myself.
[00:09:00] So I'm really having to think, is it worth even bothering with this stuff at all? Or should I just admit the fact that it doesn't work for me and just give it up? I mean, I. I'm that. So I'm haven't come to a conclusion about this, but something needs to be done about it because it's very unpleasant and something needs to change. I don't know what it is, but something definitely needs to change.
